Diagon alley’s “True Hype”

I slide my way through the sloppy, wet, disgusting Bar called the leaky cauldron to get to the magic cobblestone wall. I encounter my best friends who I have known since I was 7 years old, after a long time of talking we decide to shop together.

As we are looking through the shops I question them on how they are, beings as though I haven’t seen them in ages. They seem pretty good. Everyone is having a good time, getting the essentials for school and my mate spots this shop called “True Hype”.

We stroll over there to see what it is, it looks as though it is a clothes shop, and isn’t essential for school. We still went to have a look being as though we already had everything we needed.

Before we enter the shop I smell this strong, yet beautiful scent. It smells like a watermelon from heaven and it came from inside the store. We are already going inside the store but that makes the urge even bigger. 

It is a small shop, it doesn’t have much decoration on the outside but on the inside, it is a huge building. It looks about three stories tall, as I am curious about the building I keep going in and out of the store.

My friend who has a lot to carry went to look for a bag which can hold things from any range and size, we arranged to meet back at the door in 30 minutes, so we went our ways in the store and see what we could find.

I roam around the bottom floor, I look all around the place, looking at the walls, they are the most standout white I can see, it is like fresh snow on a road. The decorations on the walls are outstanding, they are these beautiful paintings that always pop out as if they are coming out to greet me. As I’m walking around I look at something that catches my eye, as I shuffle over there looking for other things, one man who works there says that it is really expensive. He says it can get anything you want within 12 hours. If it isn’t a person, treasure, or something locked away, this can retrieve it. But there is a catch, it has to leave your body to collect it.

So me being interested, I try it on. It was the comfiest thing I have ever put on my body. My soul tingles with excitement, and out of curiosity, I ask how much it is, and it is surprisingly cheap. It is only £49.99 and obviously, I purchase it and carried on looking. while I am observing I have an itch so I stop and took it off the jacked and itched, after the itch while I am going to put on my jacket again, it had non-itch powder on it. I didn’t even ask for anything.

While I am still in shock from what happened, I thought to myself, If I thought of getting money would the jacket get me money? I felt a tug right after the thought. I turn around and there is no one around me, I check around the clothes hangers, still no one there. AGAIN another haul from behind me, and another. It gets really profound so I take it off. It flies away and comes back in 30 seconds while I’m still in shock, and in the pockets is money. In fact, £100, so that made up the cost of the jacket and £50 spare.

When my friend saw me in shock he asked what happened, all I ask him that if he wanted anything. He replies, saying he would like a bag of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. While we are still talking I thought of getting some Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, he doesn’t notice my jacket fly away and it comes back with what he wanted and none of the money was gone. He was startled. 

I continue to look around. I see this amazing photograph so I go see what it is. It seems to be a flower, but no ordinary flower, it is a rose but the pedals flow in and out. It is the most unbelievable painting I have ever seen. There are many more paintings on the walls that are so beautiful but, the flower painting has everything to with everything in life. Anger, Peace, Relaxation, Violence, Imagination.

As we are leaving the store I see more of these beautiful decorations on the walls and on we all say thank you to the lovely staff and to the outstanding building.

2 Comments

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Hi Ikey,

Here is some feedback.

Remember this is all about describing the shop. Not about crafting a narrative. Focusing on the description of the building and the experience of being there.
You are repeating your sentence starters quite a lot. Rewrite your work to add greater variety to help your work flow.
Avoid using empty adjectives. As discussed in class, these are adjectives which offer no descriptive value. The more detail you can add the better.

Keep at it.

Mr Johnson

Hi Ikey,

Read your work out loud. There are certain word choices you are made which are not correct for the context you have placed them in. Reading your work aloud will help you catch this.
Remember this is about the description of the store. At the moment there is little detail about the store itself. Focus on the details of the building and less on the narrative.
Pay careful attention to your spelling and grammar. There are errors popping up in your work that need to be corrected.

Mr Johnson

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